tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post4084051692797727695..comments2023-05-21T06:26:04.527-04:00Comments on Threading the Dog: The Thing You FearJulie Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-86968071943385303842014-12-08T09:31:50.802-05:002014-12-08T09:31:50.802-05:00Yes Julie I was a Mom: my twin girls were 8 when m...Yes Julie I was a Mom: my twin girls were 8 when my father died and 10 when my mother died. I left my home for 7 weeks to help care for my mother (I had a lot of help from family and Mom and Dad's friends) and I relied on my dear husband and my dear friends to help with our daughters. I would go home on the weekends. I should add that my Dad was 73 when he died and my mother 67, the age that I am now and my birthday this year gave me pause... I should also say that I loved them dearly but my Dad was and always will be my hero. Martihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01305881181604750937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-82887564954796667782014-12-08T07:35:39.479-05:002014-12-08T07:35:39.479-05:00I cannot imagine going through this at that age an...I cannot imagine going through this at that age and I am assuming you probably were a mother at the same time. I would have felt frantic for myself...What you have done is captured what they meant to you, esp your father, in all the things you share about them in your writings and probably in your Living as well.Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-12328217668951709682014-12-05T20:43:47.175-05:002014-12-05T20:43:47.175-05:00You and Clutch, compassion and courage, and some ...You and Clutch, compassion and courage, and some of the most clear, honest and eloquent writing on this subject that I have ever read. Julie you have an incredible way of getting to the heart of a situation and putting it in a context that we all can understand, even those of us who lost our parents many years ago. I was in my early 30's when I lost both of my parents from cancer within 2 yrs of each other so for me, reading about those of you whose parents are in their 80's and the choices that must be made is an education. When you are a young adult, it is much harder to know how to accept what to do...my father waited until I reached the hospital before dying in my arms. My mother came home and lived 7 weeks before she died and I was also with her as she passed. All of these years later, I wish that I had been wiser and more comforting rather than scared and so distraught. Age gives one a sense of Grace and understanding that would have helped them as well as myself cope in an easier way with their deaths...Martihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01305881181604750937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-4452411481530959832014-12-05T13:15:55.555-05:002014-12-05T13:15:55.555-05:00beautiful post Julie, the fugue state may not be p...beautiful post Julie, the fugue state may not be pretty to look at from the outside looking in but from the inside looking out there are beautiful moments... there was a post a few years back by one of the cloth conjurors describing a visit to her elderly father who spent most of his time curled up, drooling in a fugue state, his daughter wondered what the point of it all was until one day he roused for a few minutes, looked her straight in the eye and said " It's a beautiful life" <br />Another brilliant book about aging & memory is 'A Map of Glass' by Jane UrquhartMo Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09004208849028911104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-26294886751121490932014-12-05T12:23:16.124-05:002014-12-05T12:23:16.124-05:00Of course. I read every Nancy Drew that was availa...Of course. I read every Nancy Drew that was available in the fifties and sixties. They all blur together now, but I remember especially liking The Secret of the Black Keys.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-72439635339917742612014-12-05T10:03:21.964-05:002014-12-05T10:03:21.964-05:00many do not go into the Spooning space. However i...many do not go into the Spooning space. However it goes, they die before that.<br />I don't know the percentages. And also there can be advance directives that<br />just call a halt to it at the point of needing to be fed. as Liz said, it takes<br />some time. But Death is an honest process. Biological. grace Forrest~Maestashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15853978388902544613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-32777613537114398602014-12-04T20:10:39.662-05:002014-12-04T20:10:39.662-05:00I will be the next Spooner and then, probably, the...I will be the next Spooner and then, probably, the Spoonee. I want to be okay with that, if such a thing is possible.<br /><br />And thank you for these words.Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-42225920375159843012014-12-04T20:09:38.210-05:002014-12-04T20:09:38.210-05:00Thanks, Dana...I definitely hid behind him at the ...Thanks, Dana...I definitely hid behind him at the beginning. And oh, you must have read The SEcret of the Old Clock?!??Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-25704324340519101792014-12-04T20:08:51.890-05:002014-12-04T20:08:51.890-05:00So sorry to hear this about your dad, Liz, it must...So sorry to hear this about your dad, Liz, it must have been brutal to be in this experience. I just read that many nursing homes are allowing residents in the assisted living units to bring in their pets to live with them, how wonderful that could be. <br /><br />Do you remember Tuesdays with Morrie...the author is aghast that this vibrant man now needed to be sponge bathed and changed and Morrie said, "its so nice to have someone do this, isn't it?" Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-79193711011263314602014-12-04T20:06:26.050-05:002014-12-04T20:06:26.050-05:00So much here to bite off...well, the thing I am le...So much here to bite off...well, the thing I am learning, trying to move from learning to Knowing, is that Who She Was is what I think turns her into Scary Person to those of us on the outside. Again, it is easier with strangers, but what if we could just say, "this is who she is now.." Maybe we wouldnt be so apprehensive, maybe we could be with them more. The way we are comfortable with toddlers...maybe "age appropriate" is a concept that can be applied at the far other end of the spectrum. <br /><br />Last week, a peaceful woman I know well marched out of the bathroom very agitated and Clutch just trotted over and within minutes of petting him, her smile returned. I I know we make a difference but the difference is two-way, since it is a way for me to connect as well. <br /><br />Still haven't read Miss Q yet, its definitely on my list. <br /><br />And by the way, I am a big talker because we don't really have much to do right now with the residents who are just vacant-eyed in their chairs...I am hoping to find the strength to meet them there as well, but that's going to take a lot.Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-49477125324777972342014-12-04T19:59:27.446-05:002014-12-04T19:59:27.446-05:00I'm so glad to hear that. Truly.I'm so glad to hear that. Truly. Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-51123657358808190052014-12-04T17:45:49.705-05:002014-12-04T17:45:49.705-05:00this is beautifully written, Julie...bringing in s...this is beautifully written, Julie...bringing in so much in such a clear way...so much that<br />is difficult to express and difficult to describe in a clear seeing objective way. <br />and yes. Unless there are directives written, you will become the next Spooner.<br />"i wish i could show you a picture..." and you can't, but you can TELL us pictures as it goes. You can tell us stories. <br />Still Alice is a truly excellent book as is The Forgetting by David Shenk. <br /><br />and then, how beauty Full, Clutch's fortune. <br />I think of you, how you love beauty, colour, treasures, details, questions, the<br />quirks of human behavior and i think how really prefect this is. You will be able to<br />"meet them where they are"...appreciate small and odd things with your writer's eye.<br />This is just GRAND. just really really GRAND.<br />Much love to you and your Partner in the work. a great soft soft Smile<br />grace Forrest~Maestashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15853978388902544613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-45694918682795559792014-12-04T11:22:46.011-05:002014-12-04T11:22:46.011-05:00Oh golly. This post does touch my heart...and my f...Oh golly. This post does touch my heart...and my fears too. Loud cheers for you and your willingness to walk past your fears into the fog. Deep thanks to Clutch for going with you and with everyone there. Sometimes a companion makes all the difference. <br /><br />Ned Nickerson...shadow man.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-57185371571865722352014-12-04T09:14:28.385-05:002014-12-04T09:14:28.385-05:00When I first read your post, I chose not to look a...When I first read your post, I chose not to look at my local library to see if they had Still Alice ... but upon re-reading it, I have placed a hold on it, for this is indeed the thing I most fear.<br /><br />And Saskia's comment about going in a corner and refusing to eat ... when my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer, five years after losing my mom, that is exactly what he chose to do ... called Hospice, checked himself into a nursing home and starved himself to death. Dear God ... it was awful. We as a society need to find a better way to depart this world when our minds/bodies are no longer capable of sustaining our essential selves.<br /><br />But until then, having contact, close physical contact, with a warm, living, breathing creature is surely a gift beyond measure ... a way to salve the losing of that essential self.Liz Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03397660873950991774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-89836023622304773812014-12-04T04:12:11.235-05:002014-12-04T04:12:11.235-05:00brave you for entering the world of scary people, ...brave you for entering the world of scary people, to put it bluntly; I too fear this world of dementia, loss of dignity, foggy unknowns......I have heard that 'in the end' that is if we live long enough, we all become more or less demented, even if only for a day, your last one. I'm still trying to understand why we do, why our bodies and minds reach this stage, after you've managed to survive everything else life has thrown at you, and I sometimes think, that in a so-called natural state we perhaps would then just stop eating and drinking, go and sit in a corner and wither away.....now we go and live in old peoples's homes et cetera and we're not allowed to wither, but are spoon fed and kept alive, but I'm probably being to black-and-white about it all. I have hardly any experience in this field, my husband's mother has been living in a care home for the past two years, on a 'safe-floor' she doesn't seem happy, mostly bewildered and she's becoming more and more confused and is now at a stage where she often doesn't recognize her children; she used to be a fairly independent woman, with a full-time job, outdoors a lot in her garden and with her dogs, all that has disappeared, I'm not sure she still is who she once was, if any of that is still in there. <br />My parents (80 & 83) are both in very good shape, of course they are elderly but nothing for us to worry about, yet. <br />On a positive note, I'm convinced you and Clutch are helping to make these people feel a lot better, that stroking a dog awakens a sense of connection, of being connected with other living beings, on a wordless level. I saw a documentary a few weeks ago about a guy+dog who do what you and Clutch do, and it was amazingly cheerful to see their faces light up as soon as the dog entered the room!<br />I'm sorry to hear your parents' health is failing, for indeed you know these two persons well and their demise must be confrontational, aging and everything involved becomes personal, again I admire you for having confronted your fear and decided to dive in.....<br /><br />am also reminded of The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy (sequel to Harold Fry) where we catch a glimpse of life (and death) in the hospice, although this is not quite the subject of your post, it does deal with life-chapter-four.<br /><br />you have a wonderful way with words Julie, the exact right amount of compassion, humour and seriousness to make this whole difficult subject matter digestible and bearable, thank you for writing it here and thank you too Clutch! Saskiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10974723368542754165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-17948292306152499182014-12-03T22:44:42.194-05:002014-12-03T22:44:42.194-05:00I loved reading this.
I loved reading this.<br />Nancy Near Philadelphiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08803134620826322075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-13741380999301766362014-12-03T19:00:48.386-05:002014-12-03T19:00:48.386-05:00I think it was the image of you sitting next to Be...I think it was the image of you sitting next to Betty during singalongs that first cracked the door open for me, Grace.Julie Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978914181459849382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3891893665236545238.post-60019299967492621202014-12-03T18:25:20.564-05:002014-12-03T18:25:20.564-05:00have read three times so far. need more. but eac...have read three times so far. need more. but each time, there are soft love tears.<br />grace Forrest~Maestashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15853978388902544613noreply@blogger.com